by Oliver Burkeman ~~~ The Guardian, Saturday 7 December 2013
A friend of mine I'll call Nick (since that's his name) sporadically sends me postcards from his travels around the globe, on which the entire message, scrawled in large ballpoint letters, is "Best wishes, Nick." One interpretation of this is that Nick's a lazy bastard. Another is that he doesn't value our friendship sufficiently to spend five minutes telling me his news. But knowing how often I think about an absent friend, yet take no action to make contact, I'm inclined to conclude that his tactic's ingenious. The crucial thing about a postcard from afar, after all, is the fact of it, not some anecdote about haggling over souvenirs in a bazaar. By studiously ignoring the convention that postcards should contain news, he ensures they actually get sent. The difference between a detailed message and "Best wishes" is far smaller than between a postcard and no postcard at all.
But postcards are vanishing into history. Our post-postcard technologies – email, texts, cheap international calls, FaceTime, Skype – make it simple to stay in touch with distant friends. Or at least they're meant to. In practice, while Facebook and Twitter facilitate a feeling of connectedness to one's social circle in general, it's less easy to nurture specific bonds. There's something about sending an email or making a video call that seems to require having something substantive to say, especially if you've fallen out of touch. "Hello!" is insufficient, and a one-line message asking what someone's been up to feels unfair, since it implicitly demands a longer reply. No, we tell ourselves, catching up with friends is a matter of long, meandering chats, newsy emails, well-chosen gifts. And so the crucial work of nurturing friendships falls into a familiar procrastinatory black hole: precisely because it matters, you postpone it until you can give it the attention it deserves, which often means never.
So I was intrigued by an embryonic project by the London-based designer Kwame Ferreira – currently in prototype, and seeking backers at the crowdfunding site Indiegogo – for a hi-tech bracelet called Bond. Bonds comes in pairs; you keep one and give the other to a friend. When one wearer taps his or her bracelet, the other vibrates, wherever it happens to be. (They're wirelessly linked to the wearers' smartphones.) To be sure, Bond seems more fitting for romantic partners: it's amusing to imagine Nick's expression of horror were I to suggest that we wore them. But surely the underlying idea – of wordless contact, to signify that someone has registered in your thoughts – could be implemented in other ways, for all kinds and levels of friendship? Maybe Facebook's "poke" feature is a start. I just wish it wasn't called "poke".
Meanwhile, the best piece of advice for maintaining long-distance connections is probably this: raise your standards when it comes to frequency of contact, but lower them when it comes to what that contact contains. Studies of social networks have shown that reciprocity – returning calls and emails – is one of the best predictors of lasting links: if you fail to get in touch because you've nothing worth saying, or too little time to say much of it, you'll be doing nobody any favours. Although it's rarely true where friendship's concerned: in this case, quantity trumps quality.
Taken from HERE.
Some people said that true friends are hard to find. It is true because in this world we are obviously surrounded by people, but not every one will become to be our friend. Sometimes, people do selecting friends because not every one matches with an individual. As most of people, we definitely have friends from elementary school, junior high school, senior high school, and university. Actually, to make a last relationship with friends is hard because if we separate or we don’t often meet anymore, sometimes, we don’t talk like we used to and if we don’t meet our friend like long time, we will awkward when we meet them. However, nowadays, technologies are well developed and there are plenty of social media applications like LINE, BBM, Skype, etc, that can be accessed freely, so we can contact our friends easily and we don’t have to be worry to be lost contact with our friends. So, my point is if we neglect our friendship in this day, it is one of shame because, in this era, technologies have developed well and we have to use it to make the relationship with our friends last.
ReplyDeleteADITA: "As most of people, we definitely have friends from elementary school, junior high school, senior high school, and university."
DeleteYou are closer to these periods in your life than I am. However, if I look back at those sections of my life (let's call them [1] to [4]) and ~ in my life ~ add to them [5] working in Britain after I graduated (6 years), [6] studying in Yogya and then working in "Irian Jaya" (3 years), [7] living in Japan (8 years), [8] living in Australia (2 years), [9] living in Indonesia again (11 years)... and count up how many 'friends' I have now (and am still more or less in contact with) whom I first met in periods [1] to [9], it looks something like this:
[1] ~ 2
[2] ~ 0
[3] ~ 4
[4] ~ 4
[5] ~ 5
[6] ~ 6
[7] ~ 4
[8] ~ 3
[9] ~ 20
In other words, I have two friends who have been my friends since we were seven years old. I have no friends from my life age 0 to 6. Understandably, I have the most friends in the recent period of my life, but of those 20, how many will still be 'current friends/still in touch' in 10 years from now I wonder?
Friendship is a connection that you make with person that you know. When it com es to my close friends, I do not have a lot. But I value everything. I am graduated from a boarding school so I am very close with my friends, and now we splattered around Indonesia. They continue their study in Jakarta and in Semarang. I rarely communicate with them since we all have our own business. I am busy with my task they also busy with theirs. About the hi-teach called Bonds, if my friends give it to me I will not wear it, even if it is from my partner. I do not think it is really necessary to do it hat way. It will scare me, I can not imagine when the bracelet vibrate non-stoply. I think to manage a friendship with this kind of way will not work. To keep a friendship you need to be yourself, if you can not give news to your friends if you do not want to, because your friends will now when you mean it to talk with them and when you are not.
ReplyDeleteIt might be interesting to consider all your current friends ~ both those you know well and those you feel close to ~ and try to predict which ones you still be in daily and weekly contact with when you are 30 years of age.
DeleteGreetings, this is a kind of Great article. I can say those who were born during the late 1990s can be classified as a quite luckier generation comparing to the older and probably the other younger generations. Nowadays, it is very easy for us to stay connect even to make friends with other people from all over parts of the World. As long as you want to sacrifice your time for them, you only need to pick up one of your gadgets and type something for any of your friends. However, people nowadays are probably much busy than the older generations were. It is quite ironic to realize that your friendship could die due to your time neglect. However, those great technologies have helped me to chat with my elementary school friend that is living in the other island from my home town. I didn’t recognize him at first, but after some typed characters; I could recognize him at last. In conclusion, we do need friend; so try to save your time for your friends!
ReplyDeleteHere is a question for anyone to ponder. Aside from your spiritual life, your family life, your academic/professional life, your interests-and-hobbies life, and your 'love life', to what degree do you think your close friendships constitute a part of your nuts-and-bolts 'meaning of life'?
DeletePeople cannot live in this world without socializing with other. A person needs other people’s help. People also need someone to talk with. That’s why friends are important in our life.
ReplyDeleteFriends are easy to find but true friends, are hard to find. For me, it’s like looking for a needle in middle of haystacks. Keeping relationship with friends is important and easy because we can say “Hi” to our friends by using social media but sometimes, we’re to busy to say “Hi” to our old friends.
Before I graduated from senior high school, my class group in whatsapp is always full by my friends but now it’s very quite like no one inside the group.
Sometimes, friendship ends when you rarely see your friends, because you’re at different city so you don’t see your friend as frequent as before, but we live in modern era so we can use any kinds of social media to keep in touch with our friends.
Another question that I'll just throw out there... In terms of how you define them, how many genuine 'close friends' can you realistically have in the course of your everyday life?
DeleteFriendship is come after family for me. Even some friends are felt as family to me. Friendship is one of the important factors that we need as we live on. But in order to maintain the friendship we have to keep in contact with friends. I know some friends are lazy to contact to other friends just like me in the past. But now I realized how important to send our regards to close friends. At first, I was struggling because I was lazy and I didn’t have any story to share with my friends. But as I began to get familiar with contact and send more my status to my friends as the friendship between I and friends became sustained. I think it’s important to keep in touch and just say “How are you?” rather than send nothing to close friends just because of nothing to say about. Giving our regards to close friends is enough and they will be grateful too. If you don’t want to lose friends, I think it is important to contact each other whenever you can. For me, even all of my high school friends went to Korea but I don’t feel lonely in here. There are new friends to meet and opportunities to develop new friendship but my old friends are important to me as well. So communication can’t be neglected to maintain friendship.
ReplyDeleteSometimes we have friends who are there for a finite period of time when it is convenient and both parties benefit from that friendship. I think life presents us with many friends in this category. Having said that, I think they can of course be good friends, even if not of the enduring kind. However, life changes can remove us from them and then the closeness that there may have been becomes biographical information ~ although we can still be affected by the experiences. I have lived in several completely different places, in different countries, while doing completely different things, with different sets of friends, and there are numerous good friends that I have lost contact with; I cannot continue to look upon them as "close".
DeleteI have always believed that distance and time differences could not affect a friendship because if we value our friendship so much and we see our friends as important people who make you happy, which you have to keep in your life because happiness is hard to find, then you would spare even just a little time to stay connected with your friends. Though we need to understand that people have their own activities or business to be done and you're not the only person they have to think about all the time. But then again, we now live in such a modern world where you could know what's happening on the other side of the world with this magic thingy called internet. You could always call your friends, video call them or just ask them a simple question like “how are you today?” Some people may consider this as a small thing, but this small thing does matter.
ReplyDeleteDunbar's number is a suggested cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships. These are relationships in which an individual knows who each person is and how each person relates to every other person. This number was first proposed by British anthropologist Robin Dunbar, who found a correlation between primate brain size and average social group size. By using the average human brain size and extrapolating from the results of primates, he proposed that humans can only comfortably maintain 150 stable relationships. Proponents assert that numbers larger than this generally require more restrictive rules, laws, and enforced norms to maintain a stable, cohesive group. It has been proposed to lie between 100 and 250, with a commonly used value of 150. Dunbar's number states the number of people one knows and keeps social contact with, and it does not include the number of people known personally with a ceased social relationship, nor people just generally known with a lack of persistent social relationship, a number which might be much higher and likely depends on long-term memory size.
DeleteDunbar theorized that "this limit is a direct function of relative neocortex size, and that this in turn limits group size ... the limit imposed by neocortical processing capacity is simply on the number of individuals with whom a stable inter-personal relationship can be maintained." On the periphery, the number also includes past colleagues, such as high school friends, with whom a person would want to reacquaint themselves if they met again. [from wikipedia]
I used to be too lazy to reply to some of my friends’ texts. I usually ended up reading all of their messages without replying or I didn’t bother to open the messages at all. I was that bad at texting. But after high school and moving to Yogyakarta, I have started making much more efforts in keeping contacts with them. Being away from my friends made me treasure our friendship so much more. Distance makes the little things matter. I really look forward to the skype or facetime calls. I even get excited when I get snapchats from my friends that are now in different parts of the world. And when I go back to Jakarta and meet up with my friends, I treasure the time spent together with them. However, I am not very keen in the idea of this hi-tech bracelet, Bond. If anything, the bracelet will only scare me. I could always text or call my friends if there is something I want to talk about.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the ideal number of friends?
DeleteThe more friends you have, the more you earn, says a study. But modern life can allow little time to maintain meaningful relationships, so what's the optimum number of friends?
It's widely accepted that friendships are invaluable to the soul but few of us were aware that they could also boost the bank account.
A study of 10,000 US students over a period of 35 years suggests the wealthiest people are those that had the most friends at school. Each extra schoolfriend added 2% to the salary.
The researchers said this was because the workplace is a social setting and those with the best social skills prosper in management and teamwork.
From the BBC - http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7920434.stm
Friendships are like flower if you don't water it regularly then it will die of dryness. Keeping in touch with a friend is very crucial because letting your friend know that you are still in fact his or her friend by doing so will keep your relationship better. Through my experience, people nowadays are very symbolic. They will do anything to show to other people that they're friend or best friend for example doing selfies and put a very cheesy quotes to make people like your picture, or mention your friend's social media name through a facebook comments and this kind of thing is silly in my opinion. With this technology, people will symbolically buy this to strengthen the bond between the which I think is very genius rather than doing what I stated above. But the buzzing social media such as Whatsapp, Snapchat, or Line may defeat this technology because I myself, prefers getting a very ugly picture of my friends or a very weird and random text from my best friend rather than just a buzz on my arm. So overall it is no matter to put symbol of friend with anything as long as the people who we claim as friend, claim us to be their friend too.
ReplyDeleteReal friends are like four leaf clover, they're rare but we'll be very lucky to find one. From all the people that we know only few of them that we can put in our circle of friendship, friends that undrestand our feelings and accept us for who we are no matter how wierd it is. Think about it, facebook able to make us keep in touch with our friends but probably only a small portion of them we really knew while the rest of our 'friend lists' are just some random people that add us. Distance may give gaps to our friendship, but a real friend would'nt forget us. They would send us massages even if its only a simple hello. Well if they don't most probably they are busy maybe with their homeworks or part time jobs but that doesn't mean that they have forgotten about us. A simple 'hello' can make a friendship last longer.
ReplyDelete“Meanwhile, the best piece of advice for maintaining long-distance connections is probably this: raise your standards when it comes to frequency of contact, but lower them when it comes to what that contact contains.”
ReplyDeleteI can totally agree with this statement as this article reminds me on my best friend back home and me. We have been best friends since secondary school and since I’m in Indonesia we are trying to keep our friendship alive. It is really hard to constantly keep in touch. The time difference of six hours is one major problem and the fact that I experience so many new things and have a lot of things to do is another. In addition it is difficult to keep in touch because we both have changed during the last ten months. We simply have different interest now. She probably wants to build up a family and I want to experience a so many new things – alone.
Nevertheless we are doing our best to maintain our relationship. We do not skype very often but we chat in “whatsapp” at least once a week. The content of our messages changed and we do not write long text anymore. But we still think of each other very often and then chat. I think that the frequency of our contact somehow helps us to keep our friendship alive.
From the “sympathy group” to the ideal size for a democracy...
DeleteResearch has concluded that there are other patterns to group sizes for the average human. Most people have a small group - of three to five very close friends. The various layers of friendship - which increase in number but decrease in intimacy and frequency of contact are on average:
Layer 0, Nucleus / Very close friends - those who you could turn to in a crisis, ask for money, lean on for support: on average 3 to 5 people. It is most likely you keep in touch with them once a week.
Layer 1, Close friends: 12-15 people (social psychologists name this the "sympathy group" [3] - which incidentally is also the number of Apostles, members on a jury etc.). You are likely to contact them once a month.
Layer 2, Distant friends: 45 to 50 people
Layer 3, Maximum number of friends/acquaintances: 150 people (Dunbar's number)
Layer 4, 500 people
Layer 5, 1500 people
Layer 6, Plato's ideal size for a democracy - 5300 people
FROM: http://brightlemon.com/blog/how-many-friends-do-you-really-need#sthash.y9pH5nUN.dpuf
I'm the one who actually never reply to "how are you" texts from my friend, let alone ask them about it. I find it weird that someone who never get in touch with us suddenly ask us how have we been. Like, what am I supposed to reply? Or in some cases, we never get in touch because there's a reason.
ReplyDeleteBut I do seldomly ask to my closest friends about how they do, or just randomly chat them when I found out a thing or two from other people about them. Of course I missed a lot of things from them! Like for example, I just found out my best friend is already dating a guy for 5 month without saying anything. It does feel a little weird when things like that happen. I don't want us to drift apart just because of our lack of communication. But I know even if we don't talk much online (or via anything), we could still talk like when we see each other everyday - when we do see each other.
'I HAVE 700 FRIENDS' by Toks Timson
DeleteToks Timson, 41, from Croydon, has 707 Facebook friends
'I actually know or have met or worked with or went to school with or am related to at least 550.
'The others are just friends of friends or random adds from people.
'Having that number of friends is a lot of work for sure. I'm a bit of a raver and also someone who makes friends easily.'
From the BBC - http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7920434.stm
I inclined that communication is one crucial thing among people that we can not avoid even more when we are apart. But these days people do not feel like getting attached to one another. Sometimes we are lazy and excusing that we do not have much time to greet our friends. I do not know but it may be because these days technology are more sophisticated that each of us now have social media where we update stuff daily that people read it. Therefore, some people would feel like they do not have the urge to ask about how they are doing because they already know. If you think that you lose contact because you have nothing worth saying, or too little time to say much, it is just a part of dodging. Because actually the little thing is still matter. There is nothing wrong about saying hello and having a light strings attached because after all, people do not see about what others bring, but it is about intention and effort to keep in touch.
ReplyDeleteWe under-cultivate what is most important. And nowhere is this more so than with regard to our friends. The 80/20 principle suggests a provocative hypothesis - that roughly 80 percent of the value of our friendships will derive from 20 percent of our friends, from a very small number of people.
DeleteWhy don't you see whether this is true for you?
Write down the name of your Top Twenty friends and loved ones - those with whom you have the most valuable relationships, ranked from the most important to the least important for you. 'Important' means the depth and closeness of the personal relationship, the extent to which the friend helps you in life, and the extent to which the relationship enhances your sense of who you are and what you can become. Do this now, before reading on.
Next, though this may seem a rather crass exercise, suspend your doubts and allocate a total of 100 points between the relationships in terms of their importance to you. For example, if the first person on the list is exactly as important as the next 19 down the list combined, allocate 50 points to him or her. You'll probably end up with a total of more than 100 points on the first run through, so keep doing it until you get the total to add to 100.
FROM: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/richard-koch/do-you-have-too-many-frie_b_3855026.html
For me, simple hello from our friends can change my mood because I think when your friend is greeting you it means that they still remember you. Yeah, it is kind weird if suddenly your friends greet you but why not replying it? I don’t see any reason to do that. Honestly, I never say hello first to my-not-so-close-friend. But I do say hello first to my-very-close-friend. Since senior high school, my best friend moves to Bali. And we often call our friendship Long-Distance-Friendship. Lately she really busy with her study because she is already in 12th grade that means she must study hard to achieve her dream university and I busy with my college life. But, we still chatting even it just once in a week because we didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Commonly, we just talk about our daily life that not important at all but the most important thing we still communicate with each other, right?
ReplyDeleteIn this era, where technology makes everything easy, there are no reasons for you to not contact your old friend. But again, it depends on you, whether you want your friendship last or over.
A quarter of a century ago, before Facebook, back in the day when you had to be indoors to phone somebody, we had an average of three friends each. The study – by Time Sharing Experiments for the Social Sciences (TESS for short, and I'd definitely like to be her friend, she sounds fun) defined friends as close confidantes, people to whom you can tell anything. And now, when we're Facebooked and Twittered up to our eyebrows, when we feel as if we've spent 40 days and nights in the desert after a half hour on the underground, how many friends do we have (expectant drumroll…)? Two. Not 857, after all. (And while we're here, "friended" is not really a verb.)
DeleteThis isn't the first time an academic has poured cold water on the emotional possibilities of the Facebook phenomenon. Professor Robin Dunbar, in the early 1990s, proposed Dunbar's number, the theoretical cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain social relationships. He defined these as relationships in which an individual knows who each person is, and how each person relates to every other person, though if you applied that to my boyfriend, it would drop to about 15 and I'm worried about whether or not my sister would be in it.
I prefer the TESS definition, or better still, the Portuguese saying, "You have five friends, and the rest is landscape." I was reading an interview with a young person recently (nope, name, occupation, purpose… all completely gone, the only bit I remember is this next bit) in which he said that he'd realised that a friend is someone who will drop what they're doing and come and help you, if you need it.
I thought it was weird that a person whose formative years occurred post-internet needs to have that spelled out, but it also struck me that you can only perform that office for a handful of people, and you would ideally (unless you're some kind of grifter) want a balance, between the people who you'll drop everything for, and those who'll drop everything for you. So I have five friends. For my own amusement, I shuffle them up and down the top-five hierarchy, and sometimes kick one out for a new friend, only to have to put them back in when I remember that you can't make old friends. A couple of couples I bust in on a technicality, by thinking of them as one person. But still, five friends. The rest is landscape.
FROM: http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2011/nov/08/social-networking-close-friends
People nowadays almost forget that even little like greeting means a lot not only to friendship but to build relation to other. Because from that, we can get to know people easily and make a connection that will benefit us if we have things to do with them. I actually think that not everyone can be my best mates because we can't force people to always stay with us, talk with us, hang out with us. Real friends are those who not only show up in your best situation but also in your wost situation. So,there is always a reason behind neglecting friends. It can be because they find nothing else in common that makes them together, they only make friends when they are in need, or maybe they're just seasonal friends? Can be too. Or maybe when one friend is only there when his/her's friend on up, yet gone when he/her's friend is on down. The value of friendship is based on ourselves, if we threat everyone good, then they will also do good to us, also it is based on how we can keep it with our friends, try to understand and be useful to each other.
ReplyDeleteI don’t want to say I was super popular in high school, but … I was super popular in high school. Of course, it’s easy to have a lot of friends when one doesn’t really care if they’re the type of people who will trick her into dining and dashing (they told me to wait in the car and, after putting my money down, I naively did just that) or offer her a ride home and then run every red light all the way across town with a detour to do donuts on the Polo Fields at Golden Gate Park.
DeleteAnd even though I knew some of my friends exhibited behavior that was both dangerous and wrong, my friends were my life, so there was no way I was speaking up. Like most teenagers, I had a major case of FOMO even before FOMO got its own acronym.
Needless to say, as I got older, I became slightly more discerning about the people with whom I associated. Once sitting at home having a threesome with my couch and my DVR became more appealing than going out to the bars, I realized how many people in my life weren’t even actually my real friends. In fact, I could now count the people I considered my best friends on one hand. With fingers left over.
How do I decide who’s a best friend and who isn’t? Well, it’s pretty lame, but I figure out if I’d ask her to be a bridesmaid if I were getting married and into things like bridesmaids. Right now there are three, maybe four, women in my life who’d get an invite. (And don’t worry, I totally wouldn’t make them throw me a shower for or wear matching dresses to my fictional wedding. I’m a totally low-maintenance pretend bride.)
FROM: http://www.xojane.com/relationships/i-have-788-friends-on-facebook-but-only-three-in-real-life
People have different perspective on distance. Some of them say that distance does not matter when they value their friendship but on the other hand not few of them think that distance can separate them and even leads to ‘stranger’ state. The only thing that people should keep in mind is how a friend is the most precious asset a person can have. It is not easy to find a true friend though because not few of people that we consider as a friend is actually a backstabber and yes when you find it out it hurts you so much that you can even cry out loud, I experienced that fyi hehe
ReplyDeleteAnyway, when you enroll in a school or university among those people that you meet you must have that at least one person who is ready for 24 hours to listen all your nonsense, help you whenever you need them, ready to be a shoulder to cry on, and stays when you face problems. That person, keep in mind, is a true friend that you shouldn't leave behind even though you are separated very far away from them that only god knows how far it is, just please do not lose them. Try to contact them, at least greet them and if you have time, use today’s technology such as skype, line, whatsapp, path, etc to keep in touch. Well basically, value your friendship guys. I really force you to do so. Thanks.
Until about a century ago, social movement was relatively modest, and most people probably grew up within a day's journey of where they had been born. Communities were small (in fact, typically about 150 to 200 people), and most folks knew everyone. That arrangement created a complex web of interwoven relationships, many of which were familial. Since then, society has undergone a dramatic change. It has become commonplace for people to move many times during their working lives—first to college, then to their first jobs, followed by a series of moves as they are transferred to new offices by their companies or move to new jobs elsewhere. The result is that our networks of 150 have become fragmented into small subsets of friends picked up along the way. Our college friends probably do not know our family, and they certainly won't know the friends we acquired when we moved to another city for a job.
DeleteNot only have our networks fragmented, they have also dispersed, often across an entire country or even to every continent. In the past, most of those ties would have quietly withered away with time, much as our immigrant ancestors' ties to their homelands quietly died after they left to start life in a new country.
I suspect that Facebook's one great contribution has been to slow down that rate of relationship decay by allowing us to keep in touch with friends over long distances. How long it will prevent relationships from fading altogether remains to be seen—social networking sites haven't been around long enough for us to tell yet. My guess, however, is that they will slow the rate of decay only temporarily and won't prevent relationships from dying eventually. What makes relationships really work, it seems, is "doing stuff" together. Catching up over the phone helps to keep the acquaintance ticking, but if at some point we don't get together—and sooner rather than later—then the relationship will fade, Facebook or no Facebook.
FROM: http://spectrum.ieee.org/telecom/internet/how-many-friends-can-you-really-have
This world is lived by variety kinds of people and we cannot live without them. Humans are social creatures that need the presence of friends to be called as living. Maybe in the past, postcard is the best way to contact friends outside their town, therefore it is hard enough since it will take days or even weeks to the get received. Advanced technology nowadays already facilitate for those who separated by miles away to get contacted in no time. Social medias like Facebook and Twitter also give the opportunity for the elders to find their alumni or old friends. The problem now is that whether people want to drop their pride and be humble just to say hello to their friends. Realizing that time flies, we should be conscious that time is the only thing that separate people therefore take the chance now to share experiences, tell jokes, make as many friends because no one knows what will happen in the future and true friends will remain as time pass by. Many people just come and go in life, and it is an undeniable fact, but we should live our life to the fullest by making every moment worth with others.
ReplyDeleteThe end of Oliver Burkenan’s story about his friend Nick was very interesting. As Burkenan has just said, the difference between a detailed message and "Best wishes" is far smaller than between a postcard and no postcard at all. No matter how detail or not your messages, ‘get in touch’ more frequently is better than less. Raise your standards when it comes to frequency of contact, but lower them when it comes to what that contact contains. Quantity trumps quality.
ReplyDeleteTalking about quality, one measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention (Clifton Fadiman). People now believe that true friend does not need long and meandering chats, newsy emails, and well-chosen gifts, because thinking about them will just delay our respond and hence, neglect our friend.
Yes, quantity trumps quality. But when you make sufficient in touch with your friends, than the quality become matters. Talking about quality, simple and straightforward is a lot better than ‘going nowhere’ discussion and chat.
Due to technological advance, saying something like “hi, how are you” or “what’s up dude?” Is a lot easier than it used to be. You can say hello to your friends from anywhere you want to by using applications such as path or Line I will not neglect my friendship with my old friends because I know that it is hard to form a relationship especially when you moved to Yogyakarta in order to study while not knowing anyone. This is where you start finding new friends. To maintain a good relationship with your friends, you have to tell him of her
ReplyDeleteOver the years, your old friends that have been bonded tightly started to loosen until your forget each other. Do not let distance limit your friendship. You must maintain continuous relationship by utilizing your social applications. We need someone to listen to our stories, gossiping, and doing assignments. Human is a social living being, no human can live alone. Probably you will meet each other in a near future. You have to remember that some people change, but friends don’t.
This fact came into me lately. People are everywhere; in fact, they are brimming all over the place. So why is it 'hard' to find true friends? What makes them 'hard' to find? What are 'true friends' anyway? The ones who never leave you? The ones who always lend their shoulder for when you cry or when your heart breaks after being left by someone you love? The one who's always there for you, no matter the situation?
ReplyDeleteOf course, there's the matter of meeting someone whom you can talk comfortably to. Someone with the same hobbies, or interests, or just someone you like to hang out with. And then you become best friends. And you will exchange bff rings and whatnots that children like to signify the 'everlasting' friendship.
But then your friend (or you) decided to move elsewhere, or overseas, for instance. Then you would exchange tearful goodbyes, and heartfelt poems, gifts, flowers and bracelets. You promise yourselves that you will always be best friends, and will always keep in touch. And then he or she goes away (or you), and you live your life normally.
Now, what happens to the promise? On the first days of the separation, you will email him or her everyday of every minute, saying that you miss each other. And then it gets empty for a while. But then you meet someone else of whom you like hanging out with, and you still keep in touch with him or her but it gets a little bland because you are busy and they are busy and every email seems to be more apart in date as ever...until it gets neglected all at once, and the promise is broken.
It is sad.
And I say, you have to try to maintain that connection. There are so many people, but to find the perfect friends to mess with, is rather difficult. Even saying a 'hello' would make all the difference in the world.
Relationship can be broken, but friendship lasr forever. Yes its true. If I have to choose, I better loose my boyfriend than loose my bestfriend. Because a boyfriend can be search on a month. But friendship can't. Friendship is build up year by year and last by trust. My best friend now is separate from me. Me in here and she in Surabaya. She is my junior high school best friend. And until now she always call me and text me. We are never lost contact like ever :). Because we, each other, know that our friendship is long lasting. She is very warm and nice people for sure. I usually go to her house and watch movie until midnight then go home. And when I am in a very bad condition, she always support and help me. It's different with my other friend that by my side just for the happy part, but leave me in the sad part. So, don't ever ever neglect your friendship because you will reagrd it.
ReplyDeleteUnlike enemy, friends don’t always come by them self. You can make many enemy easily just by doing something others don’t like, but making friends need many things to consider. You don’t have to be popular, talented, or even looks nice to make a friends. Just be yourself and don’t wear a mask to cover up your true identity, because when you start to wear a mask, people will see you only through your mask, you need to take off your mask if you always wear it. But when you always stray in your own imagination by not always stay the same as the mask do, don’t bothers when someone see the true you that is 180 degree different from your false identity. Making a friends is always start with a bond. Bonding with others need a true identity or true shape. Like the water, H2O, hydrogen and oxygen bond because they have their true form. You also need your true form for bonding with others. People will love you because not who you are but who you really are. To stay in contact with friends, whether new or old, you need a bond. Bond will be eternal when you always stay in touch with your friend and always remember them as someone important in your life.
ReplyDeleteAs a teenager we need to socialize with other people especially our friends. You need friends to color your life. Friends are the one that can make you happy, support you in your darkest time, and always be there for you when you need them. As my experience, I have a best friend, but now she had move to Singapore since 4 years ago. We still keep in touch using social media. However, because we are too busy with our own activity, sometimes I forget to reply her chat. She also seems to forget me because when I chat her, she will reply it 3 days later or even more than that. I just realize that people have behavior to forget the old one when they meet the new one.
ReplyDeleteAs a young generation we should be thankful for the development of technology. Because of it, we can easily contact our friends who are in the other city or country. Communicating becomes easier and more practice than before. We do not need to use letter anymore, we can just send it via email or fax. So, do not loose contact with your friends because technology has supported us to do so.
I like that Bond bracelet idea. It would be fun keeping in contact with our friends through a direct vibration. It's kind of funny too anyway. Maybe it will be some kind of like PING!!! on BBM. The problem of being lost contact with our friends is something that we don't realize, but when you reminisce the memories with them all of the sudden at night or at anytime, admit it, it's kind of sad, right? Those thoughts coming like "Hey, how is she? It's been a long time. I miss doing random stuff with her..." and blablabla. It usually happens when we got separated by going to different school, moving in to another city or country, or when we're too busy with our works.
ReplyDeleteSince following each others account on social media is not enough, try to comment on each other activities that they have posted on social media. But it's just life, isn't it? People changed, people come and go. Even some of our best friends just don't want to bother keeping a contact with us. So just keep in contact with those who still want to keep you in their life.
It’s hard to find a friend that has the same personality but the whole friendship things aren't about the sameness .It’s about try to understand each other differences and deal with it . Especially if it’s about to find the true friend , we surely know people are being nice in front of strangers or new friends.So,if we want to find a true friend we should know the negative parts inside him/her and help her/him to control it when something bad happen.That’s what friends are for.
ReplyDeleteThank to 21st century , the idea of this bond bracelet is awesome . I have so many friends whom go to study abroad and as a matter of fact that our generation is too lazy to contact their friends trough Facebook , Skype or FaceTime;this bracelet is brilliant I only have to tape it and the other person directly know that I am thinking about him / her.Well I hope this bracelet isn't expensive .And it will be good if it comes in different colours. I’d like to buy the warm colours for my boy friends and light colours for my girl friends.
In my opinion, quantity is not important in all long-distance friendships. You have friends who know everything about you, who you talk to everyday. Those friends mostly are in your close environment. You meet them often, call them often, do things together. Those are the people that automatically know many things about you. They might be your best friends but they do not have to be. Spending a lot of time with someone, talking a lot, having quantitatively a lot of contact does not mean that the friendship is a close and lasting one.
ReplyDeleteThere might be friends abroad, far away, who although do not get in contact frequently still understand every feeling you have. Who can listen to you and advise you in detail even though they did not talk to you for months.
Every person needs friends to talk to often - who are close. But when it comes to real, lasting, good friendships - in my opinion - distance does not matter. There might be a long time between communications but every contact is still important and qualitavely high.
For me, friends is everything. I am the only child in my family and my parents sometimes work until night and left me playing with my friends at home. I personally believe that true friend are hard to find. Even though I am those kind of person who can easily close with new people, I hardly believe them to be mu best friend especially when its come to best friend. I have some best friend when I was in Junior High School. Now. we are separate in different place and region. But we promise to keep in touch with each other. Even though I already have some close friend in new university, we still keep in touch with each other. Chatting through line, skype or snapchat everyday. But before we separate in different university in Indonesia, we already agree that sometimes we dont have to talk or chat everyday, but when we promise that we always be there for each others.
ReplyDeleteWe met a lot of people in our life. We called them friends. But some of them are connected to us more than the other, they called best friends. We are connected because of the similarities of our interests or other similarities. My best friends and I are now separated because of the difference of our university, most of them are staying in Jakarta and some went to Bandung. Honestly, I don’t talk to them every day. Each of us knows that we have our individual time and we are busy with our classes or university’s events. Even though we don’t talk in a long time; maybe 2 weeks or a month, there are no awkwardness in us and we still enjoy our conversation. That’s why I think those bracelet are not really helping to make our relationship stronger, because it’s annoying. It can make the relationship even worst. So, just let our friends do their business and go for a coffee when both us are free.
ReplyDeleteThis article fit my situation perfectly; I have gone through three-month long being away with my high school best friends. It’s been long enough that I feel awkward to keep in touch; but I definitely don’t want to lose them. I figure out the reason why; our social surrounding and culture are so different now that our conversation have too much gap. I will be happy by just a single ‘Hello’ from my long lost friend, but then I come up with questions in my head; what should I say next? How to keep the conversation going? Would she / he listen to my experience in this new city? I had this dilemma about a friend that I used to value so much; I haven’t talk to her for ages, so I decide to just go straight and call her. It’s awkward at first; but I end up talked to her until 3 in the morning, just like the old days. Yes, I agree to raise the frequency of contact is the most important thing. Sometimes we just have to go straight to break the ice; because the awkward air will fade as the conversation goes.
ReplyDeleteWell now I have a best friend that is far from me because she is studying in Jakarta, but we are still keeping in touch although it is not as often as before she leaves. I and her have become best friend since we entered the high school. At first it is so sad knowing she will not study in the same city as me, which means we are not going to meet very often. But thank you to the technology that made us easier to keep in touch. We chat via line and sometimes do Skype-ing. I am still trying not to lose contact with her by chat her first (she also does that) and asking how’s university life going blabla. Finding a true best friend is way harder than finding boyfriend or girlfriend so that’s why we have to keep our best friend. I hope in the future the technology will create a much better device that we won’t feel weird using it and not just for the couples. xx
ReplyDeleteThere are so many way to keep in touch with our friends through social media applications such as facebook, twitter, skype, bbm etc. Living in this modern world just made me believe that the evolution of technology has been spread all over the world and people tend to forget the traditional way to communicate between each people using postcard and letter. Now it seems like postcard is the only media to be collected. I honestly kind a person who collects postcard since I found out that postcard itself has value especially the rare one, it can be costly. It’s hard to believe that people in the olden days could survive to communicate using postcard or even letter. Moreover, it’s not an easy long road to face because it will take several weeks or even years to received one single postcard from a friend. I would love to see the tradition of postcard keep alive with more variation of design.
ReplyDeleteThat author is right on the money. Too many friendships wither just because we have too little to say to each other. We end up not saying anything and we drift apart, as humans naturally do. Bond would be a neat gadget to solve that problem of not having anything to say, but thinking about how gross it would be to have your male friends constantly 'vibrate' you tickled my brain into a serious mode of thought.
ReplyDeleteIt all seems so contrived, the whole 'keeping in touch' business. What's wrong with not saying anything because you really have nothing to say? Yes, we all end up looking back and regretting the fact that distance has caused our spheres of life to separate and not overlap anymore. But that's just par for the course. Continuous contact should not take so much effort to initiate. If you never thought of contacting those who have separated from you, perhaps it would be better that they remain memories to be revisited at a proper time. The whole bracelet thing to me just exemplifies the absurd tragedy of how we keep trying to deny the natural course of our lives: to drift away from each other. That's just how it is. We should not force ourselves to engage with our faraway 'friends'; when the time comes for us to meet, the time comes.
This is a common problem that every friendship will eventually face. Either they will be separated by distance or simply grow apart. Believe it or not a lot of effort is needed in maintaining a friendship and neglect simply will not help the situation. I have several close friend who lives in different city, we manage to stay in touch even though we rarely met due to our schedule and distance that keep us apart. Despite having all kind of social network I never really write a seriously long message to them explaining things that happening to me every time they ask 'how is life?', and the same with me I just randomly say 'what is up?' Without even focusing on their answer are.The point is this little action always shows them that I miss them -or at least they cross my mind once in a while- or the other way around. But every time we actually met, the same old feelings of comfort always wash over me.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mr. Adrian, this is really a useful article for us, college freshmen who was recently separated from our high school friend. It is important for us to stay in contact with our old social circle; we need as many connections as possible to ease our future after all. But, it is quite difficult to contact each other when you got to different colleges. College life is really taking a lot of our time that we barely have any time to meet each other in person. The best we can do to maintain our relationship is through social media. Personally I don’t like using social media that much and it is mostly just a meaningless small talk anyway, so I used to think that I don’t have to engage in the group’s chat often as we are adults and busy with our own college life. But, reading this article makes me realize that small, meaningless communication is also important to maintain our relationship. I think I should start to greet my old friends more frequently
ReplyDeleteWhen you look at your true friends you will uncover who you are. You will see a reflection of your soul and will in turn become educated in the pathway you follow. You will see your world before you and will see without any doubts the truth of your way. You see true friends are simply your self in disguise. By uncovering that disguise you see before your eyes the world you created and the being you have become. By understanding the true value of a friend you begin to see the importance of looking at the reflection they provide and peering into the life you lead. You will see all the gifts you bring into the world as well as any shortcoming you may possess. You will also become a witness to the beauty, wonder, and peace that you give to the world and understand your contribution to the ongoing discoveries you will make. So, Friendship is more than just being friends. It is a connection deep within the spiritual soul that is an unearned gift of love.
ReplyDeleteWe as social beings generally dislike being alone. To avoid the feeling of anxiety by being alone, most people will find ways or people to avoid that experience. One of the ways is to make friends. Friends come with friendships. For me, friends are someone whom we can trust and not just for sharing joy and sorrow but also helping each other. Because having friends is really important in our lives, once we have friends or even best friends, we need to maintain the relationship that we have with them. Keeping in touch with them is the most efficient way to maintain your friendship, especially when you are in the “long distance relationship” with your friends. With all the social media and the technologies we have right now, I think there are no reasons why we can’t keep in touch with our friends; even just to say “hi” or asking them how they are doing right now.
ReplyDeleteAfter graduating from high school, you and your friend will live in different cities or universities, trying to achieve each other dreams. You will also find that slowly, each of you will be busier and there’s no time to keep in touch. Your line or whatsapp group will be much quieter than before. It’s normal if your communication getting weirder and not have much to say. In the past, unnecessary news or gossip can be an interesting topic, but nowadays you will not contact your old friends unless there’s an important topic. Another fact is that you will rarely have spare time for your friend to spend with. The advice that mentioned above about raising the standard frequency of contact and lowering the contact contains is true. Communicate with your friends as much as possible and don’t let distance or time break that relationship bond apart.
ReplyDeleteFriendship is something very valuable for me. Therefore I regret to have lost contact with some of my Elementary, Middle, and High school. I lost contact with them as we entered different schools after we graduated. Although I am sad not to be able to communicate with them, I am very grateful to have new friends in the new school. Besides, I am still able to communicate with some of my friends from my old school who are very close to me. I will try not to lose contact with them though we are now studying in the different university or faculty. I really have to thank people who invented such amazing technologies like internet, line, skype, and other applications that aided me in communicating with my old friends. There are a lot of saying about how people come and go in your life, how if there is a hello there will be a goodbye, and so on. But I will try my best to keep in contact with my friends for they are very valuable and dear to me.
ReplyDeleteReading this post made me remember some of my friends who I'm no longer close to. It's probably because of the reason mentioned in the post. There are times I want to just drop a “Hi!”, but although it was something normal at the time we were close, now I even think about whether it'll only be a bother for them and feel like I should have a definite topic to talk about with them. It is probably true, that even when there was nothing worth saying or sharing, I should've said hello to them anyway, I kind of regret the fact that we're no longer close now, despite the fact that we are still friends. But funny thing is that these days me and my few close friends occasionally do what was suggested in the post, and perhaps that is one of the things that makes us still quite close despite how far we are actually in terms of where we reside now.
ReplyDeleteThis article made me think about my friends back home in Germany and that I probably should get in touch with them more often. I think what the article says is true - sometimes it feels like a big effort to send someone a message (despite sending a short message does not take much time).
ReplyDeleteI therefore like the idea of the vibrating friend bracelets. They seem like a good idea to communicate without words. Another method I like to use is sending pictures via Snapchat. In case you don't know, Snapchat is a mobile application which allows its users to send pictures to their friends. Those friends can answer by also sending a picture. This way of communicating does not require words and it reminds me of the post card the article is talking about.
Despite not seeing many of my friends for almost a year now and not talking to most of them regularly, I don't feel like my year abroad ruined our friendship. I think it is okay for real friends not to communicate a lot for a certain period of time.
Friendship means everything for me. But, real friends are hard to find. Real friend is someone who can always have time for me, she will always beside me in my ups and downs. She will not always act nice to me, she can say something rude to me, or embarrassing me in front of my friends. But it's just okay, we still can understand each other.
ReplyDeleteKeep in contact with bestfriend is a must. I keep my contact with my high school friends till now. Even though some of them are study abroad, but we still keep in contact by video call or text. And even we make a group on Line (17 members, 6 of them are study abroad) so if we have spare time, we can go out for a dinner and make a video call to my other friends who study abroad.
I really love that situation. When we are just sit around and have a small talk about our new college life, tell a lame joke, or do something stupid. And when I'm writing this comment, I really miss them. So much.
Friendship In a long distance connection. I think it is natural if a human being likely to find some friend because human have a unique habit. This habit called Zoon Politicon. But having long relationship is more difficult because I also have one. His name is Jack. He was from Sidney Australia. Until now I still keep in touch with him by Facebook but not as intense as long time ago. I know it is not as intense as before but at least it is work for me. So, A compulsory if you want to maintain a long distance friendship is you have to make a private space with your friend, and individual contact with your friend. Facebook has its uses, but if it is your main way to keep in touch with a good friend, that does not say much for how highly you value them. Send them mails that are for their eyes only, not messages for all your contacts to see such as status on your Facebook.
ReplyDeleteFriendship to me, is really important, it’s everything. I don’t know what i’m going to be if i have no friend and best friends around me. I’m blessed to have amazing and fun people around me, and i’m glad that these people are my friends. A friend is someone you cant talk to, who you can gossip with, making fun of someone else together, and lots of other stuff you can do with your friend. We all need each other, we are human beings, and human beings cannot live alone. That’s why, besides family, it is important to have friends. We always have to keep in touch with our friends, wether they are your elementary friends, or middle school friends, or high school friends, or college friends, as long as they are your friend, there’s nothing wrong to always keep in touch with them. I personally still communicate with my high school friends (mostly they are in Jakarta now), we always chat via line, or sometimes we even video call via Skype! - Isni Shabrina
ReplyDeleteThis article shows the most common problem that we will face someday in our lifes. I think this problem occured in almost every terms of friendship. We willeventually face his situation, separating from our bestfriends due to college and different university choice. However, the most important thing ia how we overcome this distance problem. Nowadays the use of technology can help us with anything. Of course we can use this technology era to overcome the distance problem. With technology we can simplify things. It can make time faster, and distance closer. We can use it to communicate with our friends with no boundaries. Anywhere and anytime, it always available in our smartphone, laptops, and other gadgets. Videocall, free calls are available nowadays. So there are many ways to keep in contact with our friends who studying in another city or country. With all the social media and sophisticated technology that we have now, I think theres no reason not to stay in touch and stay contacted with our friends
ReplyDeleteReading this article makes me miss my sister-like bestfriends even more. Well, I have quite a lot close friends, but only less than five that I consider as best-of-the-best friends. We used to always stick together every single day. Fortunately, we never get sick of each other and I wish we will never.
ReplyDeleteActually, I am not a type of person who will send message or chat someone first atleast it is important, but I do not why when it comes to my best-of-the-best friends I oftenly be the one who always send message or chat first. Yeah i know, my friends are kinda chic kind of friends. But these days after we live far away from each other, they are starting to send message or call me first more often. Even just random chat could make me feeling touched because it makes me know that they are still remembering me and also cherish our friendship just like what I do. You can imagine the feeling just when you are feeling low, you magically get a funny text message from them. For me, whether my this best-of-the best friends are around the corner or in another cities, as long as we always keep in touch as often as possible then distance does not really matter.
Have you heard about a saying that says ‘true friends are like stars, you do not always see them but you know they are always there’. As a kid that grow up in an environment that basically the same and went to the same school from kindergarten to high school.. I know how it feels now. When you got into college, the people that you have known for years are strangely dissapear. I know its easy to find those people now, thank you to the internet. But it is just not the same. I have a friend, she was my classmate for three years in junior high. We basically do everything together, everything. From school stuff, hangouts in the weekend, or additional course. Then she moved abroad when we got into high school, I gotta say that it was a big thing for me. I was sad. But then again, we still manage to be on skype. Although years have passed, we’re still in touch and we still share those dirty little secrets lol.
ReplyDeleteI actually am not very good at maintaining long-term relationship. I don’t really know how to keep contact regularly with my long distance friends. The invention of social media doesn’t help as well. I hardly start making conversation with my friends. The reason is that I don’t like talking to people just talk about something unimportant. A simple text saying ‘hi, how are you’ won’t last long for me. Instead, a text with a ‘meaning’ or ‘attempt’ behind it will last longer. For example, a friend asking to do him a favor, I will appreciate him by trying to reach me, means that he still think about me even while I am away. Well, a simple text such ‘how are you’ is actually means the same, that she thinks about me as well. But when the conversation doesn’t have other intention, it will be the same as an empty text. I still use postcards to reach my friends, I think it is more effective than an e-mail or any other social medias. My friends told me they feel more excited to receive a postcard than e-mail. They value postcards more. Maybe it is because the more effort made to send a single postcard and the memories attached to each postcard. I sent my friends several postcards from different cities that I traveled to, and they feel happy about it.
ReplyDeleteThe longest friendship of mine is eight years with a girl I met in junior high school. Though she moved to and spent some years in the Philippines, she kept on giving me card on my birthday, Christmas or New Year’s Day. She doesn’t live close to my living place after her coming back to Japan, but the friendship lasts up to now. Before knowing her I did not know how to keep long distance relation last. Another example is a Mexican friend of mine. He sends me Facebook message about once a month. He starts with “hey” or “what’s up?” without so important news. At first I didn’t understand his way, as I thought I should message if I got something important to tell. In both case I don’t exchange long messages but friendship has not disappeared. I am not a person who send message so frequently, but reading this article I realised that small thing can make a big difference in long distance friendship.
ReplyDeleteI agree that catching up with friends is a matter of long. We need to catch up with friends by something precious. We have to connect with them by chatting meandered, sending email gradually, and giving them worth gift. Facebook and Twitter give us a wide chance to know people in a social circle. Friends is important for us. We cannot live without friends in this world. Give our time to chat our friends when we are not close to them anymore in distance. It is not hard to keep in touch with them. Spare a little time to stay connected with them. We just have to greet them, give our news, and discussing about English Premier League. I am sure we can still contact our friends even if we are busy because now there is social media that always connect us. The main key of maintaining friendship is communication. When the value of friendship is higher, the bonds will be stronger.
ReplyDeleteNeglect is the cause of my dying (and dead) friendships with friends from previous schools. Most of the time, it is not because of cruel intentions or ill will from both parties: people move on. We are just doing the best that we can in our new or current surrounding. This includes having new circles of friends that we see on a daily basis and have relevant topics to discuss with - two things that you can no longer do with friends of the past. When keeping in touch with an almost-ex-friend (not your best friend,) we often end up talking about the good old days or end up asking I-couldn’t-care-less questions like ‘How are you?’ or I-don’t-know-what-else-to-say questions like ‘How is your family?’
ReplyDeleteLet us be honest. There will always be that one friend worth neglecting and you feel nothing about the loss afterwards. That friend is someone you were never close with. No matter how advanced the social networking service is, if you don’t have the urge, you will never bother to contact them. This is the sad truth. The glorious social media technology would only be useful for those separated from their best friends or what girls call BFFs. A true friend will never want to a miss a thing about you and is willing to listen to stories of your new life no matter how trivial it is to them.
Well.. friends are the people that I valued almost just as much as my very own family, I guess that statements may come from the fact that I'm an only child... but well that's just the kind of guy I am. I mean when we are with real friends we could expose ourselves to them and show them that this is us. As for the theme of neglecting your friends or whatsoever, I don't think that if you neglect your friends , your friendship will be ruined because I personally think that one of the parties never thought of them as a friend from the beginning. If you were real friends then no matter how long you were apart, once you see them you will be happy and reminisce from about the time when you were separated. So I personally don't think that friendship could die from neglecting each other unless you are arguing or fighting about something real big. So if you could call someone your friend, you better cherish it or that someone won't even consider you as one.
ReplyDeleteWe must maintain our friendship even though we are apart. I admit that most people do not talk to each other or remain in contact after being separated. It happened many times in my life. After I graduated from middle school, I rarely talk to my middle school friend even though we were in the sae High School. But that does not happen with my close friend. Being separated doesn’t mean our friendship ends. My close friend and I are apart since we graduated. She lives in Bandung and I live in Yogyakarta. The first time we apart, we did not contact each other because we both were busy with university. But now, like stated above, we raised our frequency of contact. She is still my closest friend I have ever had. Whenever I have problems, I will tell her about it, so does she. Also, I still maintain a friendship with my friend who studies in the U.K by video calling via Skype. Friendship can die, but it depends on the effort we make. One of us should start with the effort to maintain the friendship, but if only one side that makes the effort, then the friendship is not worth it to be maintained.
ReplyDeleteHaving a relationship with your friends is an excellent, beneficial, and helpful, however, eventually, sometimes it grows hard to maintain both relationship and friendships equally. Whether you're losing contact with your friends or concentrating more on your ‘new’ friends than your old friends.
ReplyDeleteI think there are various ways in order to maintain your relationship with your friends. I think the important thing is to make sure you are in the same place at the same time once a week and tell your friends you are there. Then your friends can find you if they want to. I believe by making yourself available to them is a good way to show that you still care with them. If you are always so busy it may feel to them as if they cannot reach you. That’s why time management is important in maintaining friendships. It's critical to provide time for your partner, your buddies, family and most importantly, yourself!
Messages and any other long distance communications is crucial in maintaining a good long distance relationship, either with your best friend or you lover. The thing is, people always take too easy in case of returning a missed phone call or replying a message. On my opinion, this behavior is a really bad thing for someone to have. Because, we simply didn’t knew how important the message is for the sender. If we don’t reply the message as soon as we can, than it can make a conflict between the sender and the recipient. Either way, messages is a really important thing to look after on this digital era. Because it is one of the ways that we can use as a method to communicate with the person that we are having a long distance relationship with. And we have to make sure that the other person knows how much important the message that we are trying to send to him or her.
ReplyDeleteMost people reliased the importance of friendship in our real lives. Start from primary school, then go to middle school, and then go to high school, even when people enter the university, they might build different friendships. However, people who have ability to maintain the relationships among their friends would get lots of benefits in several aspects such as society, work, and also family. Besides, psychologists say, if a friendship lasts longer than 7 years, it will last a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with this statement since my primary school friends are my best friends so far.
I also agree with the statement which says, “If you fail to get in touch because you've nothing worth saying, or too little time to say much of it, you'll be doing nobody any favours. Although it's rarely true where friendship's concerned: in this case, quantity trumps quality.” No matter how busy we are, there must be some time when we can share our moments to our close friends. What we say to our friends might be neither sense nor important, but the most essential thing is the frequency of talking to each other. Mostly, when people are talking to their friends frequently, they always have anything worth saying because they keep telling their stories to one another without neglecting each other problems.
Sometimes, when we go into the next step of our life, many of friends linger and they find their new community, new friends, and new life. It is just awfully wrong. In this only once lives, there are many crux things that usually we neglect in some ways because those are seems like small things such as friendship. As a human, socializing with others also being the important activity in our life. Unfortunately, usually we will know how important friend is in our miserable period of life. In many years I've been living in Jogjakarta, 18 years, there are many friends from elementary until high school, many outside school courses classes, communities, and others. Well, in this modern day, we must thank to the technology that keeps the relationship in touch even in separate hemisphere of the world. I still in contact with many of them and sometimes they are just like panacea when the reunion comes. In contrast, I still grasp the 'Don't trust anyone' sayings because we even cannot rely on our siblings, sometimes. But for me, friends are all about trust each other and friend is the one who we share a moment with before today. "Friend is a sibling from other parents."
ReplyDeleteThere are so many parts of social life that would be needed by people. In some cases, human, as social people definitely need the others for undergoing their life. One of the most significant things which has been told above is friendship.
ReplyDeleteFriendship could be neglected if people do not consider how important it is for life. There are ways for preventing the neglect of friendship relationship. First, you must keep in touch with your friends. Even though, the distance between two of you is really far; remember we use a lot of tools to keep communicating. Second important one is considering that there is no old friend or new friend. All friends of you are same which is called “friend”. So, your friends will not assume that they are left aside.
For me, the most important and valuable part of my social life, beside family, is friends. In order to maintain good relationship between me and my friends; I usually behave well and make good conversation.
The post-postcard technologies do make getting in touch easier but it also make it easier to neglect it. I have friends: some of them are in different cities and others are in different continents. Contacting them is surely one click away and it’s as easy as picking up your phone, pressing their contact, and typing whatever you want to say. But, the easiness slowly feels like double-edged sword. I tried to keet in touch after a year of not seeing each other with a friend in Turkey by texting her up and all I got was “what do you want”. Truthfully, it hurt. But, come to think of it, we all too would do that if we were in her shoes. “It’s easy to contact me. Why do you do it now?” came to my mind when I put myself in her. The easiness establish a deadly thought: I can contact him whenever I want, but maybe not today. Then, we keep on delaying and the more we delay the heavier it is to pick up the phone. Slowly but surely, the person you saw every day, the person you called “friend”, would be just another meaningless name and number on your contact list. But, despite all that situation, we refuse to delete the contact because we keep lying to ourselves that someday we will call or text said contact, or vice versa. But, sadly, it will never happen. Deny it all you want, but this is reality and “out of sight out of mind” will come true at some point of your life.
ReplyDeleteYes, i agree about how the article described postcard. Yes, it might take a long time to deliver, but it's a more effective way to get in touch with someone from your past rather than texting, tele-conferences, etc. Yes, each one of them has it's own advantage and disadvantages with cellphones being faster at delivering messages, but sometimes ineffective to keep tights of our bonds with our longtime friends. About the high-tech bracelet called bond, tell me that my interpretation is wrong because it sounds like a stuff that a gay couple would use to tie to their dicks rather than their arm to feel each other's "touch" anytime, and anywhere they want so yeah, i would have to disagree with that invention and i wish that they would stop making them. God, i hope i was wrong. Now let's forget that and jump to the conclusion. The conclusion suggests from the postcard technology that there's no need to frequently text your friend about how they doing. I barely reach out to my old friend for two months but when i went home to Jakarta last October when i accidentally met my old friend, our friendship is just as tight as ever
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